Thursday, February 24, 2011

In The Dark All Cats Are Grey...

Eight reasons for taking an older woman as a mistress...according to Benjamin Franklin.

1. Because as they have more Knowledge of the World and their Minds are better stor’d with Observations, their Conversation is more improving and more lastingly agreable.

2. Because when Women cease to be handsome, they study to be good. To maintain their Influence over Men, they supply the Diminution of Beauty by an Augmentation of Utility. They learn to do a 1000 Services small and great, and are the most tender and useful of all Friends when you are sick. Thus they continue amiable. And hence there is hardly such a thing to be found as an old Woman who is not a good Woman.

3. Because there is no hazard of Children, which irregularly produc’d may be attended with much Inconvenience.

4. Because thro’ more Experience, they are more prudent and discreet in conducting an Intrigue to prevent Suspicion. The Commerce with them is therefore safer with regard to your Reputation. And with regard to theirs, if the Affair should happen to be known, considerate People might be rather inclin’d to excuse an old Woman who would kindly take care of a young Man, form his Manners by her good Counsels, and prevent his ruining his Health and Fortune among mercenary Prostitutes.

5. Because in every Animal that walks upright, the Deficiency of the Fluids that fill the Muscles appears first in the highest Part: The Face first grows lank and wrinkled; then the Neck; then the Breast and Arms; the lower Parts continuing to the last as plump as ever: So that covering all above with a Basket, and regarding only what is below the Girdle, it is impossible of two Women to know an old from a young one. And as in the dark all Cats are grey, the Pleasure of corporal Enjoyment with an old Woman is at least equal, and frequently superior, every Knack being by Practice capable of Improvement.

6. Because the Sin is less. The debauching a Virgin may be her Ruin, and make her for Life unhappy.

7. Because the Compunction is less. The having made a young Girl miserable may give you frequent bitter Reflections; none of which can attend the making an old Woman happy.

8. They are so grateful!!

The full transcript of the above can be found here - a website I thoroughly recommend.


nursemyra said...

Excellent! Though I disagree with the last sentence of #2

sabrina said...

I disagree with Number 6. We virgins are waiting to be debauched!! Hahahahahaha

Are u planning on getting yerself an older mistress luv??

King of Scurf said...

nursemyra: The whole thing is not actually quite as misogynistic as it first seems. It is something of an homage to the older woman which is no bad thing in our youth-obsessed culture.

saby: You're not the only one Saby! Lovely to see you again - you've gone very quiet of late. What have you been up to?

sabrina said...

Been so busy writing-up my thesis. Coming down to the final few critical months so gonna be extra busy. But hopefully i'll have time to visit