Thursday, July 23, 2009

Pig Flu - The Truth

100,000 people my arse!

30,000 will be the usual rampant hypochondriacs who latch on to every passing ailment and decide they've got it.

30,000 are people who fancy a few days off work so have called in sick cos they "....feel a bit under the weather and, best be safe, what with all this swine flu going around eh."

30,000 want the drugs, so have found out the symptoms and called in to pretend they've got it so they can get the drugs before anyone else.

10,000 might actually have something wrong with them.

Of course, the government is delighted to have a crisis on their hands that is not actually of their own making so will be desperate to make things look as dreadful as possible so they can be seen to be trying to do something about it. The problem with this exponential rate of apparent cases is, with the government in full-on exaggeration mode the whole population of the country could be dead in a couple of weeks and then what will they do?

As usual, The Daily Mash absolutely nails it.

Come to think of it, I don't feel too good myself.....what's that hotline number?


sabrina said...

LOL!!!! Dude you are a riot!!!!! Hahahahahaha....really enjoyed reading this. I would probably be in Camp of those who just wanted a day or 2 weeks off :p

Rachella said...

I'm certainly in the hypochondriac category, though I wouldn't mind a couple of free weeks off either.

I can't comment about other areas, but I think if the govenment was truely concerned it would make a little more effort to contain the germs flying around London:

Force Arivva to clean the inside of its busses once in a while.
Ban smelly people from the tube -- or at least issue face masks.
Use infra red lights to publicly hummiliate people who don't wash their hands.
Imprison people who eat on public transport.
Shoot people who urinate or deficate (or encourage their kids to do so) on tube platforms.
Also, it would be nice if London Transit opened its public toilets one in a while.